what to do when he doesnt know what he wants
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What should you do when yous're waiting for a guy who doesn't know what he wants?
It'south not an easy question to answer. It really depends on what's happening in his life.
I've been there myself, and so I'yard going to become through the 16 most important things to call back well-nigh when you're waiting for a guy who doesn't know what he wants.
Allow'southward get started.
sixteen things to consider
The first step in this process is doing what you can to understand his perspective as fully as possible.
Of course, that's non to accept abroad your agency or importance in the relationship but agreement him volition help inform your decisions, and requite you satisfying answers to your worries.
With that in mind, and so, the outset affair you can do is detect a baseline: get as consummate of a picture of the situation equally you can. Here are a few questions to enquire yourself.
1) What'due south going on in his life right now?
Understanding the specific circumstances of his life will aid you immensely in waiting for a guy who doesn't know what he wants.
For example, is he really focused on his career correct now? Or is he between jobs? What is his family unit life like? He could also all the same be recovering from an sometime breakup or some kind of trauma that he'due south still trying to heal from.
Just recall: it takes time to heal and the amount of fourth dimension it takes an private is nearly e'er different from the side by side.
All of these things accept a bearing on how he thinks and what's on his heed most. Any of these circumstances could lead to him beingness unsure about what he wants from his human relationship with you.
When yous better empathise this nigh him, y'all'll be better able to know what comes next, for him and for you lot.
two) How long have the two of you lot been in a human relationship?
If you're near the starting time of a relationship, there's always a lot of questions around how to move frontwards, if it'due south too early on or late, and then on. There can be fearfulness, hesitation, and worry that things won't end well.
Here's the affair: people progress at different rates in a relationship. Sometimes one person is ready for something more serious sooner than the other. There's no specific amount of time it takes to fall in honey.
So if your relationship is notwithstanding green, it could be that he's thinking nigh taking things to the next pace but it might even so be too soon.
On the other hand, if y'all've been together for quite a while and the subject field of "taking things to the adjacent footstep" is an bad-mannered 1, mayhap fifty-fifty avoided entirely, information technology points to something else.
It'due south a little clearer that he is struggling with something in regards to your relationship and yous're right to wonder and worry.
If you're unsure of his level of affection, here's a look at 18 signs he's falling deeply in love with y'all.
3) What did his last relationship look like?
This is an important one considering it tin give yous a lot of relevant information and clue yous into his state of mind regarding your relationship. How so?
For instance, if his concluding human relationship ended with him really getting hurt, it might exist hard for him to commit over again. That kind of mindset would probable pb to hesitation when it comes to taking your relationship to the next footstep.
If it seems like things ended for different reasons, it could indicate to a bigger issue with his mentality, maturity, and ability to be in a healthy relationship. He has no clue what he wants, or how to handle being in a more than serious relationship.
In this fashion, it'southward really of import to understand, at least a little fleck, how his past relationships have gone. The same goes for him with you, honestly.
If you're wondering if he'south over an ex or non, here'southward a proficient look at 15 giveaway signs.
4) What drives him to reach his goals?
This is an important one. Why?
Well, each person is responsible for reaching and attaining their own goals and dreams. We can't rely on other people to exercise that for usa.
And so in that style, understanding how your guy feels about his motivations will clue you in on the seriousness behind why he doesn't know what he wants.
Information technology could be that he'south at a crossroads and it'due south something that he'due south been thinking about a lot lately and is doing his best to figure out how to motion frontward. Giving him a little patience might be the solution.
On the contrary, though, it could be that he lacks the motivation to move forward with his life, and is content to keep everything the same. In that case, you lot're essentially enabling him at your ain expense.
Agreement where on the spectrum your guy is volition help you lot decide if waiting longer is fair for you or if he'due south wasting both his time and yours. Thinking about these questions will help y'all establish a baseline.
From here, you lot'll accept a petty bit more knowledge behind what drives him, where he is in his life, and what his outlook for the hereafter is. Next, yous tin start to figure out why exactly he doesn't know what he wants.
Of course, each person is different, just here are some really skillful clues to help you figure out why he doesn't know what he wants.
Reasons he doesn't know what he wants
five) He's not crazy about you
This might be a difficult pill to consume but the reason he'southward procrastinating moving things forward in your relationship might accept to do with how much he actually likes you.
Now, it's not to say that he doesn't beloved you, or care for you. It could simply mean that he has reservations regarding taking things to the next step.
If he's not crazy well-nigh you, so it might be difficult for him to move things forrard. Only, considering he cares about you, he might not want to pause upwards with you.
Meanwhile, y'all're stuck in limbo. It's honestly kind of a dick move.
He could prove signs of being less appreciating than he used to be, inattentive, or oft decorated when you're supposed to hang out. These could all point to the fact that he isn't exactly caput over heels for you.
It's possible he might just want friendship and is too afraid to say that. Here'southward a expect at some central reasons why he might but want friendship with you lot, even if he's involved romantically.
6) He'south non set for a serious relationship
A lot of people get involved in relationships with the mindset that they're "not looking for anything serious".
It's important to exist directly up virtually this from the kickoff only sometimes that doesn't always happen. Casual dating tin often be a blur and before long you find yourself wrapped up with someone without having truly defined the relationship.
Here's the thing: that often ends up beingness unfair for both people. It'due south peculiarly unfortunate for the person who might be looking for something more serious.
In that example, and then, it'southward a good idea to figure out if your guy is ready for something more casual. If he's showing signs that he doesn't know what he wants, this could be the reason.
Don't be afraid to inquire him what he's looking for in a relationship or if he's content with things the way they are. Y'all don't take to change anything right abroad, but it volition give you lot good information when you do make a determination.
seven) Yous don't make him feel similar a hero
Sometimes all a guy needs to shine in front of you lot is a bit of encouragement, which can be done by triggering his inner hero.
There's a new theory in the relationship earth that's causing quite a stir – it'south called the hero instinct .
Coined past relationship practiced James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships.
And it's something near women have never fifty-fifty heard of.
According to James Bauer, men don't actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. To about people's surprise, it has nothing to exercise with sex.
You see, men take innate drivers. These are natural responses that they're not even enlightened of. But when a adult female comes forth and triggers them, it causes a powerful response.
The event is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.
So, how tin y'all trigger your human's hero instinct?
Well, you certainly don't need to deed like a damsel in distress or purchase him a cape. Information technology's quite simple, actually.
All you lot have to practice is give your man sure signals that make him experience needed in the relationship. These allow him to step to the plate and feel fulfilled in his role every bit your partner.
And these signals are revealed in this unproblematic and genuine video past James Bauer .
The truth is, once yous understand how the hero instinct works, in that location's no telling what heights your relationship can reach.
So if you want to give your homo what he truly wants from you, make certain to check out James Bauer's excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.
Hither'south a link to the complimentary video again .
eight) He's scared of commitment
It's adequately common for men to be afraid of commitment; at that place'southward a number of reasons why.
For instance, the demand to yet heal from a previous damaging relationship can accept an consequence, which nosotros'll talk well-nigh in the next indicate.
But, here'due south something to consider: his fear of commitment might go even deeper.
A lot of childhood trauma volition surface in a committed relationship and so something like fear of abandonment might come up into play, especially the more serious your relationship gets. These underlying bug can surface as any number of attachment problems.
To avoid having to deal with these uncomfortable feelings, he might simply shy away from commitment entirely. That way information technology'due south easier to avoid against those deep-seated fears.
What that translates to for you can be any number of relationship bug, including his hesitation to take things more seriously or decide what he wants. If it feels like he's stringing you along and unable to figure out what he wants, this could be a primal reason.
If you lot're wondering why men pull away before they commit, hither's a list of some big reasons.
9) He'south afraid he'll become hurt again
No one likes getting injure. However, it's an unfortunate side effect of living in a world of contingency.
This is specially true in intimate relationships. Just, here's the affair: we all make mistakes and practice things that injure other people.
So if your man'south been hurt desperately from a previous relationship, it'south only natural for him to be hesitant to commit fully to a new one. There's no faulting him for that — though information technology is inconsiderate of him to non exist upfront nigh his circumstances at start.
This is where understanding him and having patience could come into play: as he heals he might prove himself able to commit or effigy out what exactly he wants.
In any case, though, call up to put yourself, your mental health, and well-being foremost.
10) He really just doesn't know
This one'due south tough because there'due south not much behind the reason and there's not much to excuse his beliefs. It's pretty simple, straightforward, and clear.
He doesn't know what he's doing with his life. Then you pay the price by being strung along by someone who doesn't have a clue.
I've been here earlier, I know how information technology feels to be lost in life. In fact, we've all floundered at one bespeak or another in our lives. It'due south unfortunate when that indecision directly affects someone actually close to u.s..
Here'south the thing: he doesn't know what's going to come up adjacent for him and so he'll be hesitant to commit to anything serious with you. That ends up with you existence strung along for an unknown length of time.
Hither'due south where information technology's of import to effigy out and understand exactly what information technology is that you desire. One time that'south clear, you lot can make a conclusion about how to move forward.
Because let'southward be honest: nosotros all know he won't.
eleven) He doesn't know how to break up with you
This i might be a painful one to consider, especially when yous care about someone a lot and you don't want to run into things cease.
The fact is, though, that some guys are just really bad at breaking up. They'd rather put the issue aside and keep you in the night virtually how they're actually feeling, instead of fessing up and ending things. That's really unfair for you.
If you lot suspect that he'south also cowardly to pause up with y'all, don't do anything rash right away. Just know that something needs to modify, and soon.
These are simply a few of the signs that he doesn't know what he wants. If you're seeing these signs, they're clear evidence to that fact.
Simply that's not the whole story, is information technology?
Because it's pretty articulate that he doesn't know what he wants. What's less clear, though, is what you should practise about it.
This might be the most important section of the article, and where you'll be able to notice the nearly helpful information in moving forward.
Figuring out what comes next
12) Effigy out what you desire and need, and then stick to it
Ane of the first keys to establishing and maintaining good for you relationships is to put your own mental health and well-existence offset. Non in a selfish way, of course — but once yous're in a good mental space, you'll be well equipped to keep your relationships healthy.
In a relationship with a human who doesn't know what he wants, the aforementioned holds true. How so?
Think about what you want and need from a human relationship. Are those needs existence met?
Understanding that things aren't working in your favor is the commencement step in having healthy boundaries.
In addition, have a clear pic of your plans for the future — which ties into your wants and needs. When y'all understand where you're going, you'll exist able to better understand the disparity between the ii of you. That will help you if and when y'all decide to alienation the subject with him.
13) Talk about your ain fears to run across if he opens upwards
A cracking way to start a line of communication between the two of you regarding intimacy fears and commitment is to exist open about your own fears start.
Don't be agape to start a conversation with him about what makes you afraid to exist intimate and serious in a relationship. Tell him about how you've been hurt, how your childhood might impact aspects of intimacy in your relationship with him.
If he's genuine and honest, he'll open up too. And fifty-fifty if he doesn't right abroad, he'll most probably be thinking about information technology for a long time later your discussion. That picayune push button might be just plenty for him to brand a decision regarding his wants.
In other words, information technology's a great, non-confrontational way to get the ball rolling.
If he seems actually hesitant to open up to you, it could be a sign that he's been hurt emotionally. Here's a list of some other signs that signal to emotional damage.
I mentioned this fascinating concept before: the hero instinct. When a man's inner hero is triggered, he'due south more likely to open and be vulnerable in front of y'all .
Merely past knowing the right things to say to him, you'll open a part of him that no adult female has ever reached before.
And the easiest style to do so is by watching this free video past James Bauer. In it, he'll reveal simple phrases and texts y'all can use to make your man truly yours.
Here'southward a link to the first-class video again .
14) Quiz him about his dreams
Past quiz, I don't mean drilling him with tons of questions.
But here's the thing: everyone loves talking about their dreams. And so don't be afraid to be a lilliputian bit curious.
Try to larn more about what his dreams are, what he aspires to, if he has a program, and then on.
Doing and then will not only give you information about how dedicated he is but also inspire him to try harder to reach them.
Brand certain he knows you're rooting for him and want him to succeed. It volition allay his doubts and encourage him to achieve his goals.
xv) Talk most your needs (and his)
One time you've figured out your needs from the relationship and and so empathize how they aren't beingness met, it's probably time to bring it upwardly with him.
Find a good time and place to have this discussion, as it'southward something pretty serious; both of yous need to be in a practiced headspace.
Let him know, without accusing him, that your needs aren't being met every bit things stand up. Explain how and why and perchance some ways to move forward. It's a good time to ask him what his needs are too.
What is he really looking for in a relationship? Is he ready for something more serious? If not, how long until he is, or is that non a possibility at all?
Be prepared for his answers, any they may be, and remember to keep your goals and needs clear. Doing and then will assistance you both to come to some sort of agreement.
16) Give him a clear timeline (not an ultimatum)
When dealing with a guy who doesn't know what he wants, the biggest upshot is time. That'southward the big question mark.
How long can yous put your needs and wants and dreams aside while you expect on him to figure his life out?
It's not off-white for y'all and there comes a point when enough is just enough.
So set a deadline, a goal, or some sort of timeline. After that point in fourth dimension, yous'll accept to make a change — whether that's breaking upwards with him, separating for a while, or adjusting so you lot can reach your personal goals.
This isn't giving him an ultimatum, an unfair demand for your needs "or else". Why is that?
Because hither'south the bottom line: Your needs have to be met. If they're not existence met, you have to leave or make a modify. And that'due south 18-carat, straightforward, and accurate. It's not manipulation.
In conclusion
I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it's the perfect remedy for the situation you're facing.
Why?
Considering once a man's hero instinct is triggered, he'll but have eyes for you lot. You'll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to accomplish before.
And in render, he'll exist compelled to commit to you and honey y'all like he's never loved another adult female.
And then if you lot're ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make certain to check out relationship skilful James Bauer's invaluable advice.
Click here to watch the excellent gratuitous video .
Tin a relationship coach help y'all besides?
If you want specific communication on your situation, it tin can be very helpful to speak to a human relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. Subsequently existence lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to go information technology back on track.
If you lot haven't heard of Relationship Hero earlier, information technology'southward a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult honey situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-fabricated advice for your situation.
I was blown away past how kind, compassionate, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Click hither to get started.
Source: https://loveconnection.org/waiting-for-a-guy-who-doesnt-know-what-he-wants/
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